Wednesday, March 2, 2016

The Publicity Machine rumbles on...

A quick update;

I was interviewed by the delightful George Bastow, which can be found on his excellent blog.  I was also interviewed by Colin Gutteridge of Coventry Hospital Radio, and that interview should be broadcast this Saturday between 10:00 and 13:00 - clicking here will let you listen to it live.

A couple more of my stories will be appearing in anthologies coming out later in the year.

"Saviour Machine", my story from this very blog, will be appearing in "47-16: Inspired by David Bowie" from Penny Dreadful Publications

"Blasphemous Tumours", the everyday tale of the unlikely friendship between a man and his sentient cancer, will be appearing in "Unleashing the Voices Within" from Stitched Smile Publications

"The Digit That Was Death", a comedy horror tale about a most unusual possession, will be appearing in the third volume of "Strangely Funny" from Mystery and Horror, LLC


On another note, it would appear that the FoldsFive blog isn't quite dead yet - two guest posts in quick succession means there's life in the old dog yet.

OK was the answer

History speaks fondly of Charles Babbage (1791 – 1871) and his creation, the Difference Engine. He’s often referred to as a pioneer and the father of computing.   A piece of graffiti found behind some wallpaper in the family home of Edwin Thripp (1788 – 1850) speaks of his rival Babbage in altogether less polite terms.

CHARLES BABBAGE IS A THIEVING TWAT – IF DESTROYED STILL TRUE

  History has discarded Thripp, but if his copious journals are to be believed, it was he who invented the Difference Engine a good decade before Babbage, and unlike Charles, had procured the funds and means to actually build the bloody thing.
  The aforementioned journals cover the construction and initial testing of the device in some detail.  This was long before the days of terminals and keyboards, and instructions were programmed into the device using an array of levers and toggle switches, any results spooled out via a series of punched holes on paper ribbon.
  "The device is finally built", Thripp proudly announces on an entry for March the 1st 1843, "and looks far more impressive than anything that cocksucker Babbage could have invented." (The tone of much of the journal is in a similar vein, Thripp was nothing if not a bitter and petty man)
  "A series of mathematical queries have been compiled by some of the professors at Trinity College and the last eleven hours have been spent carefully feeding them into the device.  Now we only need wait a short week for the calculations to be complete."
  Several pages follow, unrelated to Thripps’ Difference Engine and primarily concerned with what he’d had had for dinner. 
  The entry for March the 8th is despondent.
  "There must be a fault in the device," bemoans Thripp, "for the results, regardless of the mathematical query being asked, are all very similar in theme.  A series of punched cards now litter the floor with responses such as 'Meh',  'Maybe', 'Whatever' and 'Dunno'."
  Thripp had, inadvertently, created an Indifference Machine.  In that matrix of pipes, cogs and valves, he had – unbeknownst to him – accidentally created the first ever artificial intelligence. Albeit one with the surly nature of a moody fifteen year old.
  Thripp spent the remainder of his years attempting to fix the device, but to no avail. Unable to recognise his creation as the breakthrough that it was, he died penniless, destitute and miserable.  His last recorded words were spent insulting Babbage. The air turned blue as Thripp's skin did the same.
  The Indifference engine, despite its cumbersome bulk, moved from owner to owner.  None seemed capable of getting any decent results out of it until, quite tenuously, a comedian in the nineteen-seventies inherited it as payment for a gig and one drunken night fed in the feed-line for a joke and, after a wait of several days, the device responded with a perfect punchline.
  The particular joke in question has been lost to history, but whispers from the Monkhouse estate indicated that it had something to do with the difference between a constipated owl and a bad archer.
  Something had been found that had stirred the contraption from its malaise.  This was something that it enjoyed doing and was really rather good at. Until finally breaking down for good in the early nineties, rumours are that it frequently changed hands between a secret cabal of comedians working the circuits (no pun intended).
  As a lasting epitaph for this device, to this day it bears the dubious honour of being the creator of one of only twelve jokes in existence that chemists find funny.

  "How did the date go when Oxygen went out with Potassium?"
  "OK"

(The above was an assignment for the Coventry Writers Group, a story which had to be themed around the phrase "The Answer is OK")

Friday, January 15, 2016

Saviour Machine

If life is a performance, then let us bear silent and secret witness to the last act. The Duke lies dying, surrounded by those closest to him. The gentle percussive movements of his last breaths are accompanied by a chorus of gentle sobs and quietly murmured words. Final words are muttered in parting, sincere lamentations delivered.
His frail physical shell is failing, each breath shallower than the last. The weight of life bears down on him, as a body with no fight left to give nevertheless fights to remain a part of it. An instinct tells him that his struggle is over, and, in death as much as life, he remains one who never could resist an urge.
A long resounding chord sounds, shaking room, bed and occupant. The Duke is reminded of “Day in the life” by the Beatles, and smiles at the irony. He suddenly realises that he’s alone now, the silhouettes of those who surrounded him now fading into emptiness, but he isn’t afraid. It feels like a dream, but one he’s had numerous times before.
A beat begins to sound, chaotic at first, but quickly forming a regular rhythm, increasing in both volume and strength. It takes the Duke a few moments to realise that the sound is coming from him – from his own heart. Beating as new, renewed now.
He pushes himself out of the bed and onto his feet. He tentatively lifts himself up, preparing himself for a twinge of pain that never comes. He feels strong. Even for a man who’d shed his skin so many countless times, he feels more renewed than ever.
There’s a scent in the air, unfamiliar at first. It grows stronger and more acrid, not unpleasant but unexpected. Alcohol. Specifically, bourbon. He recognises it as he hears the sound – the leaden whoosh of the sudden displacement of air. Something has arrived. The Duke suddenly realises he’s not alone, and turns to face this unexpected visitor.
Before this moment, everything had an unexpected familiarity; The déjà-vu of dreams. But the individual who stood before the Duke now broke the spell – not at all who he expected. The craggy countenance of this visitant was familiar, yet unanticipated. Their eyes were hidden in the shade of a Civil war style Cavalry hat, only mutton chops and a moustached jaw visible. 
“Aren’t you…?” the Duke asks, suddenly surprised by the strength and volume of his own voice – that tool of his trade previously reduced to a whisper for as long as he can remember. He’s interrupted before he can finish his sentence, a hearty chuckle from his new companion and a gnarled hand held out towards him.
“Too right,” comes the reply.  They shake hands like brothers, and everything starts to make sense to the Duke.
“I think I’d expected… somebody else,” he laughed. “But this makes perfect sense.”
“They thought I was doing them a favour,” replied his companion in a voice as coarse as gravel, “but I thought if I got here first, I’d get to you before anybody else.”
“Anybody else?”
“They’re all up here, man. They’ll all want you. But we need you.”
“We?”
“It’s a cosmic jam, man. Me and Hendrix – must have made my mark when I roadied for him.”
“You still perform?  Even now?  Even.. here?”
Especially up here, man! That muse, that spark of talent? Where do you think it comes from, man? What we play filters on down – the sensitives, the passionate – they hear it, they write it and they play it.  Or they sing it.  Or they conduct it.  The whole of planet Earth is just our cosmic covers band, baby!”
“So everything I did was just…”
The visitor leaned in closer, close enough for the Duke to smell the tobacco and whisky on his breath.
“I’ll stop you there. Not everyone – for some of us, the spark was already there. Something unique, something magical.  Something that can’t be described in something as mundane as language. Something they couldn't create up here, even if they tried.”
The Duke stood in silence for a few moments. Slowly those thin lips began to curve, a smile finally returned to them.
“Sounds great. I’m ready then. Let’s dance.”
Two strong hands stretched out and patted the Duke on the shoulders, their owner laughing heartily to himself.
“Watch this. They only went and let me have these.”
Great wings unfurled from the visitor, not gossamer and feather as the Duke had expected, but thick black leather, already scarred, patched and worn. He took the Duke by the hand.
The two ascended.



Lemmy Kilmeister 1945 - 2015
David Bowie 1947 - 2016

Thursday, January 14, 2016

I hold in my hand.. a piece of paper.

An actual factual photograph of Neville Chamberlain, and definitely not some crudely photoshopped image.
Anyway, photoshop wasn't even around in 1938.  Death Star pictured for scale.

As Neville Chamberlain once famously said after meeting Hitler in 1938, "I hold in my hand.. a piece of paper". If via some freakish breach in the Space/Time continuum, he'd in fact met me, the history books would have been very different.  He'd probably have said something along the lines of "I hold in my hand... a piece of paper.  In fact, several pieces of paper.  Including the front and back covers, approximately one hundred and thirty pieces of paper. Most of them with writing on both sides.  This is getting confusing and overly elaborate - I wish I'd just met Hitler now."

The author and the book.  Earlier today.
Cheerful author pictured for scale.
That ridiculously convoluted opening is to inform you of the exciting news that "Scenes of Mild Peril", my third collection of short stories, is now approaching completion and I've just had delivery of my proof copy - and very nice it looks too.

I'm aiming for a June release, which will give time for me to complete my editing as well as give my trusty beta readers (thanks, trusty beta readers!) time to give me their verdicts.  As it stands, it'll contain 30 stories and poems, and it's a good size thicker than either of the two collections that have come before.

The pre-order links will be up once everything is ready, and I plan on keeping it at the same price as "Forever and Ever, Armageddon" - despite it being nearly a third bigger.

I'm really excited about it - in my own humble opinion, this is the best stuff I've ever written. A few of them have appeared in other anthologies, so somebody else seems to be agree with me as well!

Finally, in a shit week that has seen David Bowie and Alan Rickman die at ridiculously early ages from cancer, a mention that I'm doing (and am nearly half-way through) the Cancer Research Dryathlon for January, in which I have and will remain booze free for the entirety of the month. If you'd like to pop in a couple of quid, click on the link here and it'll take you to my JustGiving page.  It's all for a good cause and, if you donate and do order or pre-order Scenes of Mild Peril, pop me an email nearer the release in June and I'll send you something personalised and special as a thank you.

Thanks for reading this, thanks for your ongoing support and wish you all the very happiest 2016.  And pop Cancer Research a few quid - and if you can't, it'd be much appreciated if you could share the link.

Laters!


DISCLAIMER: The Neville Chamberlain estate does not support, endorse or even like the work of David Court.


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Something squamous this way comes

As mentioned in my last blog post, this Saturday (the 28th of November) saw the release of the new book from KnightWatch Press, "New Tales of the Old Ones".  I hadn't contributed to this particular collection, but as I've joined the KnightWatch fold through two releases in 2016 ("A Thousand Tiny Knives" and "Weird Ales: Last Orders") I came along to contribute.

If you haven't been to Southcart books, you really should correct that.  I'm a sucker for bookshops, especially second hand ones, and Southcart is a particularly good one, spanning the epic hemispheres of both new and used*:).   It was my first visit to Wallsall, let alone Southcart books, but Scott and Amy Carter (the owners) put on a fantastic day. Lots of wine and nibbles for all visitors.  A dab of red wine may have been had before I had to read my own piece.

As you've probably guessed from the title of the event, it was - as well as an event to release the new book - a celebration of Lovecraft and his works. I got to meet my editor Theresa Derwin at last, as well a number of other excellent authors. 

It was an excellent day. We heard about Great Cthulhu's online dating attempts and the Damp Ones respectively from Jonathan Butcher and Chris Amies, and an except from the new book from Michael Brush.  There was a fascinating biographical piece about Lovecraft and Astronomy from A. Stuart Williams (who also read his story from the aforementioned anthology), and a great reading from Richard Bruce Clay.  Not to mention some wonderful musical accompaniment by the supremely talented Jessica Law.  Some fantastic talents all crammed into a wonderful reading room!

Photo Credit: James Josiah
I'd - as per usual - completely misunderstood the brief, but had luckily confirmed with Theresa about a week before that I needed to have an original story.  I had a few stories that were could have tenuously linked to the Mythos, but none that could do it justice.  I had the basis of an idea that I spent a few days writing into a piece that would take about 20 minutes to read, and to my relief, it went down well.  I'm still nervous about public speaking, and this is one of the few pieces I've read that didn't feel uncomfortable - after a while where it was obvious the audience were enjoying it, I started enjoying it too - and that's a first!

So, all in all, an excellent day.  Lovely to put some faces to names of people whose works I've read, and nice to be a part of such a special day with such a great group of people.

There may have been drinks imbimbed once the event finished, but that's a story (and a blackmail attempt) for another day.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

ALSO: "Caped", the superhero anthology that I've contributed towards - and mentioned in my last blog post - is now available to buy.

(* pre-loved)

Monday, November 2, 2015

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Are you absolutely positive it isn't a bird?

Three bits of news;

Firstly, I'm pleased to announce that "Caped" (a superhero themed anthology collection from Local Hero Press which contains my story "Sovereign's Last Hurrah") is now available to pre-order.



It'll be officially released on Tuesday November the 24th, and can be ordered from the following links;


It contains the following eighteen stories;

And Introducing the Scarlet Scrapper by Leonard Apa: A Golden Age tale of an actor who hates playing a superhero on the radio but discovers a new role awaiting him. 
Sovereign’s Last Hurrah by David Court: In a retirement home, elderly supervillains scheme to return an item of power to their greatest enemy. 
RIGHTMAN! Loses the Faith by Gary Cuba: Being a superhero is what you make of it, and what you can make from it. 
Dax and the Red Eyes by Adrienne Dellwo: Dax's disability prevents him from telling anyone about his brother using powers to hurt people. 
Dum Dum by Leod D. Fitz: Some supervillains are geniuses, and others are simply well-trained. 
Light Therapy by Che Gilson: Being a sidekick is a thankless job. 
Pinning Portugal by Elliotte Rusty Harold: A group of supervillains hatches a new scheme that naturally goes awry. 
When Fukayna Danced Her Libraries by Jake Johnson: Eventually even superheroes need to step away from the job. 
Super Frenemies by Stephen Kotowych: A group of super-powered children take on the neighborhood bully with surprising results. 
The Faces of the Wind by Laura Lamoreaux: After World War II, the country no longer needed superheroes, leaving the heroes with difficult decisions. 
Capacity Crowds by Paul McMahon: He wants to be a real superhero, but can't seem to find a villain to match him. 
Heart of the Matter by Robert J. Mendenhall: Cameron's powers are preventing the medical treatment that may save his life. 
Ebony Boneshaft, Secret Superhero by Wendy Qualls: She didn't mean to discover Ebony Boneshaft's secret identity, and when she did, it caused no end of trouble for her. 
Eye of the Beholder by Dave Ring: Being seen as the object of everyone's desire is a poor way to live life. 
I Am Hathor by Aaron Michael Ritchey & Jason Henry Evans: Balancing superheroics and motherhood is a difficult dance for Hathor. 
The Romulus Proposition by Tim Rohr: When the mighty have fallen, it's probably because they were pushed. 
Saul, Again by Eric Rosenfield: A time traveler takes a circuitous, long-term approach to facing a dangerous villain. 
Damn the Dark, Damn the Light by K. H. Vaughan: There's a fine line between heroism and nihilism and sooner or later everyone crosses it.


Secondly, some more details on the Cthulhu Calling day mentioned in the last blog post on here. KnightWatch press are releasing their Cthulhu themed anthology "New Tales of the Old Ones", and a selection of writers and artists will be attending Southcart books on Saturday the 28th of November.  (I don't have a story in the anthology, but will hanging around like a Banquo at the banquet).  A selection of authors (myself included) will be reading from Lovecraftian themed works, whilst artists show off their various squamous tentacled wares. 

There's a tentative schedule for the day, which is as follows:


Date: Sat 28th November
Time: 10:30 - 15:45
Venue: Southcart Books, 20 - 21 Lower Hall Lane, Walsall
10:30 - 11:00 Browse and Buy!
11:00 - 11:05 Scott and Amy: Welcome
11:05 - 11:10 Theresa: Introduction
11:10 - 12:00 Panel, "Cthulhu Forever: why has the Cthulhu Mythos lasted so long?" (moderated by Theresa Derwin, with A Stuart Williams, Jonathan Butcher, Richard Bruce Clay)
12:00 - 12:25 Richard Bruce Clay
12:25 - 12:50 Sam Sketch Paskin: Art work and imagining Lovecraft
12:50 - 13:20 Break (enjoy wine and nibbles)
13:20 - 13:45 A Stuart Williams; Terror Out of Space: H.P. Lovecraft's Astronomical Universe
13:45 - 14:15 Book launch: New Tales of the Old Ones from KnightWatch Press
14:15 - 14:40 Michael R Brush
14:40 - 15:05 Yours truly
15:05 - 15:30 Jonathan Butcher
15:30 - 15:55 Rob Cartwright

A facebook link to the event can be found here, or here for those of you who don't do social networking. Come along and say hello - it promises to be great sanity-wrecking fun. Your Elder Gods command it.  (Mental note: Must finish my Lovecraft themed childrens book The Colouring In Out of Space)

And finally, just a shout out to my fellow author Elizabeth Earle, who I've mentioned before on this blog - We first became friends almost a year ago to the day at a book signing at The Big Comfy Bookshop in Fargo Village, Coventry. She's just released an excellent kids book - "The Adventures of Captain Claw Paw" (the adventures of a Pirate Cat and his motley crew) which was released this weekend.  Profits from it are going to an excellent cause in Charlie's Beach Hut, Elizabeth both wrote and illustrated it, and it's thoroughly charming.  Grab your copy from The Big Comfy Bookshop or online from here.  It's a great kids book, an incredibly worthy cause, and I wish it all the success in the world.  I was lucky enough to see the work in progress as this book was being completed, and the final result is better than I could have imagined.