Scenes of Mild Peril - An Evolution

The original pre-publisher prototype cover

for "Scenes of Mild Peril".  I'm rather fond of this

design, and might use it for another project.

Back in September of 2018, Scenes of Mild Peril was released. It was a culmination of several years of work, being a collection of thirty stories both new and reprinted from elsewhere (where the rights had reverted to me, at any rate).

As I've mentioned elsewhere, it was a bit of a disaster. I was incredibly proud of the book, but the publishers were trying a new distribution model and I ended up falling foul of being the guinea pig for this experiment. Ultimately, the formatting was shot - each page had non-existent inner margins, meaning that you couldn't physically open the book wide enough to read the stories.

As a result of this - and the laborious process of sorting it out - I became disheartened. Despite an amazing review in Issue #51 of Scream Magazine, and a lot of positive buzz, I couldn't summon up any enthusiasm for marketing it. Despite the fact that there was an electronic edition out there which read perfectly well, it didn't feel worthy of promotion until there was an actual readable physical copy that I could be proud of. Something I was proud to put my name to. I was having to warn my friends not to actually buy any physical copies of it, which wasn't exactly the kind of promotion I'd envisaged.

Version 1 of Scenes of Mild Peril - now 

with Ultrathin(tm) inner margins!

Eventually the issues were sorted out - brilliantly, in fact - but it took a long, long time and by then it was too late. Any enthusiasm I'd had, had atrophied away. Reviews limped in - and really good reviews, at that - but it felt as though the time for Scenes of Mild Peril had come and gone.

This was devastating, as I feel as though this book contains some of the best stories I've ever written. The whole experience almost put me off writing for good, feeling that there little point in working on things that weren't being read.

But then, the rights reverted back to me. And with it under my total control again, I felt as though it was worth a final push. So, it's been re-released, is a good couple of quid cheaper, and is finally the book I wanted to release all along.

So, if you haven't picked up a copy yet, I'd love you to. I really want this out there and read, as it's something that I'm particularly proud of.

Like "The Shadow Cast by the World" and "Forever and Ever, Armageddon" before it, it's a collection of short science-fiction and horror stories, with a few poems thrown in for good measure. And it's thick - boy, is it thick. At around 338 pages, you could easily use it to disarm an assailant or to shield yourself from the explosion from a fragmentation grenade.

If you're after a copy, the new printing can be found here. Whatever your flavour of Amazon, it's the cheaper of the two paperback formats available. If you're after a signed copy, pop your £7.99 to my PayPal at davidjcourt at googlemail.com, and I'll happily get a copy sent to you.

And if you already own Scenes of Mild Peril and would like to help, spread the word by leaving a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or anywhere that readers visit. The most important part of how well a book does is how many positive reviews it has, and if you leave me one you are directly helping me continue on this journey as a writer.

With love and genuine thanks,
David

And if that's not enough to convince you to get a copy, how about a word from this handsome awkward brute?

Flash Fiction Challenge - The Fairground

Over on the Stitched Smile blog site are the results of a Flash Fiction challenge held just the other week.  Inspired by the picture on this post, Stitched Smile writers had to come up with a short story. Mine is at the very start.  Click here to be taken to the post.

Flash Fiction Challenge - The Bowling Alley

Over on the Stitched Smile blog site are the results of a Flash Fiction challenge held just the other week.  Inspired by the picture on this post, Stitched Smile writers had to come up with a short story. Mine is at the very end - enjoy!  Click here to be taken to the post.

Hastur La Vista, Baby

It was important to have principles, thought Martha. George Orwell went to fight in the Spanish Civil War because of sympathies for their Republican movement, and Muhammad Ali was arrested and stripped of his boxing title because of his refusal to be conscripted into the U.S. Military during the Vietnam War.

Martha refused to buy products or services from any shop that used the Comic Sans font in their logo or publicity material.

But, as Infant:Inside were the only business within a hundred miles offering the particular baby scanning services she was after, this was clearly one principle she'd have to temporarily shelve.

She tried to ignore the cursing and swearing coming from the back room as she picked up a glossy brochure from the pile sitting on the waiting room table. She spent a few moments staring in disbelief at the company name on the front, which she still couldn't quite believe wasn't some kind of joke. Even though written in a bright cyan Comic Sans font, it still didn't stop the word looking – and even sounding - like Infanticide.

Another cry of frustration from the back office was followed by the sound of somebody kicking some furniture. A tirade of swearing burst forth, turning the air bluer than the company logo. He'd seemed like such a quiet young man when he'd performed the ultrasound. Admittedly he'd barely seemed old enough to tie his shoelaces, let alone operate expensive diagnostic imaging hardware, but he was friendly enough.

"Who's the best guy in the building?" he'd quipped. "The ultrasound guy." It was a joke older than he was, but it had achieved its aim and put her at ease.

The sound of electronic hardware being firmly shaken could now be heard from behind the closed door, followed by the sound of two voices. They were arguing with each other in that type of way you do when you don't want anybody to hear, but you both defeat the object by each having to raise your voice to put your point across.

"You tell her," said one. "No, you" said the other.

Martha wondered whether it was a mistake coming here at all.

#

Some women were simply custom-built right out of the box to be perfect mothers. That seemed to apply to every single woman in the Antenatal clinic except Martha. They were all exuding that radiant glow and aura of natural calm, whereas Martha simply looked permanently unwell. They all had their loving husbands and doting boyfriends with them, and Martha sat there alone. The term was "one night stand" but, to be fair, it was an evening in which Martha hadn't been doing a great deal of standing.

Martha wasn't the sort of person to go to nightclubs on her own. And yet that one evening, she'd felt compelled. The same compulsion that saw her down an entire bottle of Prosecco, and end up bringing some stranger back to her flat. He was tall, dark and handsome. She thinks.

Ordinarily she'd have been put off by the font choice on the leaflets that the rep handed around the clinic, but something intrigued her. "A 3D model of your unborn child!!!" it proudly declared with an excess of exclamation marks. "For a special reduced price!!!"

#

The man-child sheepishly emerged from the back office, reluctant to make eye contact. He stumbled forward as though abruptly pushed forward by his colleague, and crashed into the counter.

"There's… been a slight problem and I'm afraid we won't be able to provide the 3D modelling service for you at this moment in time."

Martha looked up at him.

"Oh?"

"If you'd like to… erm… bring your cash card over, we'll refund you the money."

Martha got to her feet, the weight of her belly feeling heavier than ever.

"If there's a problem with the printer, I don't mind waiting. I heard you swearing at it."

"Not a problem with the printer as such."

"What do you mean 'as such'?"

The boy went bright red, looking back over his shoulder at the closed back office door as though it would offer salvation. He looked at Martha, back at the door, back at Martha. His mouth opened and closed but intelligible words refused to form.

The door opened and an older man stepped through, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder. She took him to be the manager, an assumption borne out by the Comic Sans "Manager" badge clipped to his shirt.

"Ma'am," he said authoritatively. "My young colleague isn't entirely correct. It's sort of a problem with the printer. A restriction of the technology."

"I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean by restriction?"

"These 3D printers, you see. They're bound, as we are, by certain well-established guidelines of causality and physics. They're simply not designed to print out anything that doesn't adhere to the traditional rules of Euclidean geometry."

"Nuclearidian…?"

"Euclidean. Look, it says so in the book."

He placed a well-thumbed and coffee stained photocopied manual in front of her, pointing out a paragraph. It looked to be a troubleshooting page, and his fat calloused finger was pointing at a particular question.

"Can my Saishomatsui 3D Printer be used to create shapes that do not adhere to the standard rules of space/time geometry?"

"No. Please refer to the operating manual."

#

Martha cradled the hot cup of tea in her hands. Tea traditionally solved everything, but even she struggled to see how infused leaves could make this any better. Even Oolong, she suspected, would struggle.

She stared blankly down at the handful of printouts the manager had placed on the waiting room table in front of her, the ultrasound scans of her unborn child.

In the first static-filled image she thought she could make out a tiny hand. In the second, some tiny toes. The third, an infinite vista of impossible structures. The fourth, the utter insignificance of man in an uncaring and unknowable universe.

But the father – he'd been tall, dark and handsome. At the time, she'd thought those protuberances were dreadlocks. Tall, dark, handsome – and squamous. Possibly squamous. Eldritch at the very least.

She looked up at the sorry face of the manager who was still patting her on the shoulder in the manner one might reassure a dying dog.

"Can you answer me one question at least? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Yes, I can certainly answer that."

"Well, is it a boy or a girl?"

"No. No it isn’t."

That was the year that was (the year that was)

Greetings one and all! Here's hoping that you had an excellent Christmas, and that the new year to come is happy, healthy and productive for us all.

It'd be way to easy to sum up the year we've had, exactly how I put it on Facebook...

But, to honest, although it doesn't seem that way, there's been a little more to it than that. On a writing note, it's been a good year - not quite as busy as 2015, but good nonetheless. A few more short stories have seen the light of day, namely:

"Saviour Machine", my story from this very blog, appeared in "47-16: Inspired by David Bowie" from Penny Dreadful Publications,  "Blasphemous Tumours", the everyday tale of the unlikely friendship between a man and his sentient cancer, appeared in "Unleashing the Voices Within" from Stitched Smile Publications and  "The Digit That Was Death", a comedy horror tale about a most unusual possession, appeared in the third volume of "Strangely Funny" from Mystery and Horror, LLC.  A couple of my stories also appeared on various online story websites.

September also saw the first Big Comfy Bookshop Literature festival, in which I was lucky enough to be a part of. More details can be found here.

"Scenes of Mild Peril" is still being worked on, but the new novel "Recreant" (or rather Book One of it) is now very nearly complete, is due for release next year and is available to read in serialised first draft format over on Wattpad - click the link here to read it.

Probably one of the best things to happen in the year is getting more involved with the lovely people at Stitched Smile - They're a great bunch, and I hope to be working with them and releasing things through them for the foreseeable future.

On a final note, if you've any Christmas spirit left, the regular Christmas Show that my wife and I do for Coventry Hospital radio is available for your listening pleasure by clicking here.

Happy New Year, and catch you in 2017!

This local author finished a book of short stories. What Happens Next Will Surprise You.

It's been a little while since I've posted on here, so thought it only right to correct that. Truth is that after quite a drought, I've had an incredibly productive couple of months so wanted to have something to tell you about first!

Firstly, Scenes of Mild Peril - my next short story collection - is very nearly complete. Just working on the final edits and I'll be organising a release date for it. I'm incredibly happy with how it's turned out and I think it contains some of my strongest work - I'm really excited for this one.

Secondly, my first novel - Version Control - is now complete and I'm in the process of trying to find a home for it.. More information to be released if - and when - there is any.

Thirdly, I'm just working on the final chapters of my new science fiction novella "Recreant". I've kept relatively quiet about this one because the aforementioned drought nearly put paid to it, but it's turned out to be something I'm very happy with.  It's also going down very well with the beta readers, which is always reassuring.  I'll do a separate post about this when I've finished the first draft.  40,000 words down with 10,000 to go.!

Last (but most definitely far from least) The Big Comfy Bookshop is having a literature festival on the 9th, 10th and 11th of September. I'm on a panel of local writers with Elizabeth Earle and Kerry Hadley-Pryce on Saturday the 10th, and it'd be great if you could come along. I'll hopefully have some copies of Scenes of Mild Peril to flog to you :) For those of you on the mystical book of faces, here's a handy link.

Next time!

Free stuff!

For this weekend only (Saturday the 21st of May and Sunday the 22nd of May), and to celebrate the impending release of "Scenes of Mild Peril", the Kindle versions of both my first two collection of short stories - "The Shadow Cast by the World" and "Forever and Ever, Armageddon" are available for free on Amazon.

Clicking on this handy link here will take you to my Amazon author page.

Read them, and if you enjoy either of them, I'd much appreciate you sticking a nice review on either Amazon or Goodreads.

You don't have to have a kindle to read them - the free Kindle App is available for all smartphones, and is also available for both PC and Mac Platforms (The VIC-20, Oric Atmos, V-Tech My First Laptop and the Texas Instruments TI-99/4A are currently not Kindle compatible).

Weird Ales

Come on in, take a pew, and have a glass of whatever you fancy. Mine host welcomes you to your own personal lock-in at the Tavern of Weird Ales. In this delightful tome of beer and pub-flavoured stories, you will find a wicked brew of eleven glorious tales guaranteed to make you shudder. From a low-calorie lager that might be one beer too many, to a tentacled tavern of terrifying tipples, it's all here, in round-after-round of weird and wonderful fiction. The spirits are with us and your time has been called.

The first volume of "Weird Ales" from Quantum Corsets, an anthology of alcohol related horror, is now available. My story "In Vino Veritas, In Vino Mors" (the tale of a most unusual Oenophile and his mysterious acquaintance) concludes this fine collection of eleven tales.

Topped off with a beautiful cover by the brilliant Luke Spooner, it's a great read, especially accompanied by a good pint and a bag or so of your favourite pub snacks.

Click here to be taken to the Amazon page for the book, available in both paperback and kindle formats. I'd love to know what you think of it.

Safety Record

My short story "Safety Record" is the featured story on today's front page of the Flash Fiction Press.

It's a rarity in that it's not related to horror of science fiction, but something altogether different...

I hope you enjoy it. Click here to be taken to the tale.

Strangely Funny III

Strangely Funny III, number four in the series (!) is now available on Kindle and shortly available in print.

As the promotional blurb says

"The fourth book in the Strangely Funny trilogy. Enjoy stories from some of the usual suspects, plus others from authors new to the series. Meet a man who wakes up as a cockroach - again. Learn why you shouldn't opt for a cut-rate mummification. And beware the perilous pinkie!"

My story "The Digit That Was Death" indeed features that very same perilous pinkie.  

Paul Wartenberg, one of the other contributors to the book, did a short (and sweet) little interview with me on his blog which can be found by clicking here.

If you've read my story, I'd love to know what you thought. It's a rare stab at more comedic horror, and I'm really rather pleased with it.

The Revengineers

"I glance over at the bedside clock and the bright red digital display passively informs me that it's approaching 5 a.m. The irony is that I've spent so long worrying about how little I've sleep I've had, that it's ending up keeping me awake – and at this bloody rate I know I still will be when my alarm goes off in around ninety minutes. Even now I know I'll be watching each of those minutes count down, the clawing feeling in my gut tightening as they tick by. (I know that strictly speaking digital clocks don't tick, but forgive me – I'm exhausted).

I’d count sheep but thanks to a traumatic incident in my childhood, they terrify me.

I've had a restless night with my still wide-awake brain dedicating its valuable processing time into either worrying about what time it was or mulling over what she'd said to me at the party last night. She wouldn't be lying awake angry and upset – of course she wouldn't. She'd be fast asleep now, probably smirking as she's dreaming of how she humiliated me at the party."

One of my short stories, The Revengineers, is the featured story for today on the Infective Ink website. It's a tale of break-up, revenge and a para-dimensional Captain Mainwaring . That old chestnut.

Click here to read the full story.

Let it Cry

My short story "Let it Cry" has been posted on the Stitched Smile Blog, and can be accessed by clicking here.  It's a slight deviation from the kind of story I usually do, but I'm really proud and fond of it - I hope you enjoy it.

Stitched Smile will be publishing my short story "Blasphemous Tumours" in their anthology collection "Unleashing the Voices Within", which will be available later this month.  For more information about them and the great stuff they do, click here.

Sound the (kind of) imminent "Scenes of Mild Peril" klaxon!

I hold in my hand.. a piece of paper.

An actual factual photograph of Neville Chamberlain, and definitely not some crudely photoshopped image.
Anyway, photoshop wasn't even around in 1938.  Death Star pictured for scale.

As Neville Chamberlain once famously said after meeting Hitler in 1938, "I hold in my hand.. a piece of paper". If via some freakish breach in the Space/Time continuum, he'd in fact met me, the history books would have been very different.  He'd probably have said something along the lines of "I hold in my hand... a piece of paper.  In fact, several pieces of paper.  Including the front and back covers, approximately one hundred and thirty pieces of paper. Most of them with writing on both sides.  This is getting confusing and overly elaborate - I wish I'd just met Hitler now."

The author and the book.  Earlier today.
Cheerful author pictured for scale.

That ridiculously convoluted opening is to inform you of the exciting news that "Scenes of Mild Peril", my third collection of short stories, is now approaching completion and I've just had delivery of my proof copy - and very nice it looks too.

I'm aiming for a June release, which will give time for me to complete my editing as well as give my trusty beta readers (thanks, trusty beta readers!) time to give me their verdicts.  As it stands, it'll contain 30 stories and poems, and it's a good size thicker than either of the two collections that have come before.

The pre-order links will be up once everything is ready, and I plan on keeping it at the same price as "Forever and Ever, Armageddon" - despite it being nearly a third bigger.

I'm really excited about it - in my own humble opinion, this is the best stuff I've ever written. A few of them have appeared in other anthologies, so somebody else seems to be agree with me as well!

Finally, in a shit week that has seen David Bowie and Alan Rickman die at ridiculously early ages from cancer, a mention that I'm doing (and am nearly half-way through) the Cancer Research Dryathlon for January, in which I have and will remain booze free for the entirety of the month. If you'd like to pop in a couple of quid, click on the link here and it'll take you to my JustGiving page.  It's all for a good cause and, if you donate and do order or pre-order Scenes of Mild Peril, pop me an email nearer the release in June and I'll send you something personalised and special as a thank you.

Thanks for reading this, thanks for your ongoing support and wish you all the very happiest 2016.  And pop Cancer Research a few quid - and if you can't, it'd be much appreciated if you could share the link.

Laters!

DISCLAIMER: The Neville Chamberlain estate does not support, endorse or even like the work of David Court.

Exciting updates! (Disclaimer: Your definition of "exciting" may vary)

Updates for this blog are like buses - you wait ages for something, and then loads of them pop up at once.

My superhero short story "Sovereign's Last Hurrah" (a tale of the goings-on in a retirement home for aged superheroes and villains) has been accepted and will be published in the superhero anthology book "Caped", due for release on November the 30th by Local Hero Press.  Pre-orders for this title will be available from November 1st and I'll post the link up here when I have more details.

Secondly, my story "In Vino Veritas, In Vino Mors" will be published in the third volume of Weird Ales, due for release by KnightWatch press next September.  Weird Ales is an anthology series covering two of my favourite topics; The supernatural and booze.  "In Vino Veritas, In Vino Mors" is the tale of an aged collector of very unusual drinks.

Both "Sovereigns Last Hurrah" and "In Vino Veritas, In Vino Mors" are stories I'm particularly proud of and it's genuinely exciting to be published by Local Hero Press and KnightWatch for the first time (and to humbly share a book with a host of incredibly talented writers).

And finally, my short story "83" has been accepted by the excellent Audio Horror Fiction magazine "Tales to Terrify" - no date for when this will be broadcast yet, but I'll be sure to keep you all updated.  "83" is a story about the interview from hell.  Literally.

Cover WIP - Subject to a lot of change.

Pertinent links are as follows;
Local Hero Press LLC
KnightWatch Press
Tales to Terrify

In other news, "Scenes of Mild Peril" is at the proof-reading stage and is due for release around the middle of next year.  It's a lot bigger than both "Shadow cast by the world" and "Forever and Ever, Armageddon" with more tales and they're mostly longer ones at that.

And finally, I'm helping out at Cthulhu Calling day on November 28th. KnightWatch press are launching their Cthulhu themed anthology "New Tales of the Old Ones" and I'll be reading from some Lovecraftian themed works - Come along and hear me struggle with the word "Wgah'nagl! This event is taking place at Southcart books in Walsall over most of the day.  Should be great fun - pop along.

More updates as I have them!

Peace and Love,
Ringo Starr David