Angus
McGole was a miserable soul,
who
hated the company of others.
Even
as a child, he’d be mostly inside,
and
would rarely play out with his brothers.
That
hermit McGole had a heart black as coal,
And
rarely did leave his own flat.
Being
with people, you see, made him quite angry.
He couldn't even stand his own cat!
Angus
McGole has in life just one goal,
and that’s
to live somewhere remote.
But
his budget won’t meet that of a mountain retreat,
so
he’s stuck here for now, the old goat.
It’s
the wee early hours of one morning
when
Angus is watching TV
and an
advert comes on, and McGole's quite transfixed.
It
seems custom-made for him, you see.
They’re
wanting some volunteers at NASA
and
are recruiting from all over the place.
They’re
wanting a fella to travel interstellar
and to
be boldly flung out into space.
“Jings!”
thinks McGole, “it sounds perfect!”
And
books his flight right there and then.
“I’ll
go into space, leave the whole human race,
and
nae one’ll bother me again”.
So
Angus finds himself at NASA,
With a
handful of other brave souls.
They
do loads of tests, to find who is best,
And
the best of the best is… McGole.
“We’ll
be launching you off in a rocket,
It’ll
be further than man’s ever flown.
You’ll
be landing on a planet way out there
and
we’ll test how you cope all alone.”
“We’re
after the right kind of person.
They’ll
need to be mentally fit.
Does
that sound anything like you?”
“Aye,
a bit,” smirked McGole, “Just a bit.”
So
McGole is sat there on the launch pad,
and
listening as they count down from ten,
then
the boosters ignite and old Angus takes flight,
hoping
never to see people again.
As our
world shrinks away on the view screen
and
Angus travels out deep in space,
he
takes off his gloves and he flicks Earth the V’s,
“In
your face, human race, in your face!”
The
first five years spent were a doddle,
the
next five even easier still.
He’s
happy as can be, in his own company,
his life-time
achievement fulfilled.
An
alarm sounds, he looks at the view-screen.
He can
see his new home out in space,
The
rocket slows now as it prepares to touch down,
and
there’s a huge smile on Angus’s face.
He
carefully puts on his spacesuit,
He
can’t wait to get out and explore.
The
airlock opens wide, and he’s then horrified,
by the
thing that he sees out the door.
A city
with millions of people,
It’s
even more crowded than Earth.
He
sinks to his knees and cries “Ach no, God, please..”
(but
no answer comes, for what it’s worth).
“Good
news!” said a man, sent to greet him.
“You’ll
have company now, never you fear.”
“Just
as you took flight, we invented Faster Than Light.
And luckily
enough, beat you here!”
